Hao
by Anime-2000
Summary: A documentary on Hao Asakura presented to you by a brave person, who risked life and horrible burns to catch the Shaman King antagonist off guard. What not to do when interviewing Hao Asakura. [oneshot]


Hao

By Anime-2000

Disclaimer: Anime-2000 does not own Hao Asakura.

Eh, after finding a website dedicated solely to Hao's pants, seeing how the Shaman King series is coming to an end here in the U.S., and finally suffering from an obsessive-fan disorder, I came up with this!

I promise you that the next Shaman King fanfic that I will be working on will be much more serious than this. This was just some ridiculous documentary I made on Hao with a mind of a fangirl because I wanted to do something Shaman King-y, but I promised myself that I wouldn't start another fanfic until I finished at least one of my two currently active fics. So, I settled on this. :) Please don't kill me.

By the way, Hao speaks through the quotations.

* * *

Hao Asakura. 

The main villain of the anime and manga series Shaman King stood out in the open. He looked around suspiciously. Everything around him was blank, white. It made him uneasy. True, he was the most powerful shaman in the entire world—was and always will be—but there was something about this place that made it seem like everything was out of his control…

"Who's talking…?"

Ah, it seems we have disturbed the very gorgeous villain. Perhaps we should leave him alone…

Nah. As we zoom closer to the older Asakura twin, we see how beautifully his hair shines… "Get away from me." Truly amazing. Do you wonder how he does it? Does he go from shop to shop to compare shampoo and conditioner? "What the—_are you braiding my hair?"_ After all, with the outfit he wears— "What's wrong with my outfit?" –does it look like he can even afford expensive hair products?

Speaking of Haos' clothes. See how diverse they are? It seems that he just wandered around and took whatever clothes fit him! "It does not..." Do we wonder where he stayed when he was younger? How did he look after himself? Did someone take care of him until he grew older?

"For your information, I am over a thousand years old."

Let's take a look at his poncho. The one that covers the lower half of his face and his scrawny torso. Oh, look, our villain is blushing. "I'm _not_ scrawny!" That's the only conclusion we could come up with as an explanation to why his face it so red. Ow, ow! Hot—hot!—okay, hot torso, not scrawny. Oww…

Well, it's a very nice-looking poncho.

Not only does it cover his um… hot torso, it also covers his very cool pants. Some fangirls don't understand why he would want to cover them, though, seeing how spiffy they are. Look at these straps; aren't they pretty with their star pattern? "Hey! Let go of my pants!" Although, if they were any longer, he would trip over them! It's amazing that he doesn't trip over them right now, seeing how he's hopping all around. "That's because you're holding the damn straps! _Let go!_"

But that's okay. We don't want our Hao to fall over flat on his face! He's so graceful and cool… hot. So let's take a look at his gloves, which have the stars on them… Like his earrings!

"Don't touch them."

Okay… Then let's look at his shoes!

THUD

"Rrg!" Oh no! Hao fell! Flat on his face! How did this happen? "Gee, let's ask the human fool who grabbed my foot." Oh, he is so very wise… "No, you're just a human fool." Very wise.

But his shoes bring the thought of legos to mind…

"_Excuse me?"_

Now back to his earrings… The huge, circular, dangling kind. "Back away from me. Human, I already gave you a fair warning." And it makes you wonder, when he runs or leaps from place to place, wouldn't those accessories rip his earlobes right off? They certainly look heavy. And who pierced his ears for him?

OW!

Fire! _Fire!_ We need water!

Wait, he already mastered all of the elements! Isn't that cool, everyone? Ack!

Oh no, the camera! Everyone, retreat—RETREAT!

"Burn…"

Look how beautiful this blaze is, creating a lovely background for Hao Asakura, instead of the painfully blank white it used to be. See how his hair gleams so vividly in the fire? See how his strikingly dark eyes reflect the orange glow of the flickering flames?

See him get an incredulous look on his face, slap his gloved hand to his pretty face, and peer down at us through his fingers?

Uh oh.

BZZZZZZT

* * *

And then the camera melts. Don't ask how we got the tape. 

I love Hao, so I am NOT bashing him. Just... poking fun at him.

R&R!


End file.
